The Devil Made Me Do It.

it used to be for me that the blame so easily fell on my surroundings,responsibility was cast aside when the blame was somewhere else. it was so easy for me to fuck my life up and blame it on my parents, so easy for me to squander my intellect and talent, and blame it on my lack of guidance, so easy for me to blame my depression on my grandfathers death, so easy for me to call my addictions phases, yet in blaming others it brings me no solace, in blaming others my sins are not absolved. we used to say the devil made us do it, but in these modern times, we are the devil. the blame falls on us. the blame falls on me. my parents did their best to raise me, the cannot be blamed for their shortcomings. i squander my intellect and talent because i do not want the responsibility that comes with having to shape them into a truly moving force of good. i should have sought out my own guidance not expect it from my elders. my depression comes from within, it was there before my grandfather past, his passing but a dull echo in my mind. the sadness is loneliness, i haven't quite found myself, and am discontented with everything until i find what it is that makes me tick. my addictions are mine alone, they were not passed down from my father, they are my burden, they are my problems. it was my lust for pleasure, my trying to fill up the emptiness inside myself, and all the damage from my binging is mine and mine alone. fret not, i feel no despair, in taking responsibility for my actions past, present, and future, a calming emptiness fills me. the void in my life has been so obvious yet i have hardly seen it until now. there is happiness here, and for once i can say in peace, i made me do it.